This was the first year the Husband and I celebrated Xmas as a married couple.
Though it wasn’t the first Xmas we’ve spent together. In fact we have spent every Xmas together since we began dating in 2000. That’s TEN Xmases. A decade of turkeys, putting up (and taking down) the tree, and watching “It’s a Wonderful Life” together. That’s a lot of wrapping paper in the recycling bin!
But this year was special. This year we were married.
Many people have asked us in the (almost) three months that we have been married, “Is it different?” “Does it feel like something has changed with your relationship now that you have the wedding license?”
The answer is a resounding ‘YES’.
Though I must admit that I for one never thought our relationship would undergo the change it did. After all, what could be so very different after signing the papers and cutting our cake? What indeed!
Yes, a seismic shift occurred.
Now, your humble blogger can’t speak for anyone but his humble self. I’m well aware that marriage is not a choice given to most of my fellow gay and lesbian brothers and sisters in the world today. And the Gay Groom certainly knows how fortunate he is to have had the right to marry his Partner up here in Canada. Further, I am also personally acquainted with many unmarried couples (gay and straight) who are perfectly content in their own relationships without a license or endorsement from the state.
So you don’t need to send the Gay Groom nasty emails and comments about how I’m “belittling the relationships of those who cannot legally get married” or how “my internalized homophobia makes me strive toward the heterosexual concept of a conservative marriage” – trust me I’ve received quite enough unpleasant comments from same-sex marriage-hating right wing nut-bars since starting this blog. And it’s certainly not my intention to upset my gay and lesbian friends as well.
I can only try and explain how marriage has affected the Gay Groom.
Since October 3, 2009 I FEEL married. There is a gravity (in the Newton sense) that was not there before the “I dos”. Neither The Gay groom nor the Husband can simply walk out the door with a wave. We are connected legally.
And I like it.
Any severing of our entanglements now will require lawyers, fees, time etc. Just like our straight married friends who chose to end their marriages. Hence a little of the gravity I mentioned.
But it’s more than legalities.
We have promised in front of our family and friends to stick it out for richer and poorer, in sickness and health and all the rest (including signing the register). And seeing that neither your humble blogger nor his Husband is twenty-one, we have experienced enough of life before taking those vows to know what we are signing up for. Trials, illness, hardships and all those unfair and unpleasant things life tosses at one through the years are not a possibility, when you hit your 40s – you know these sorts of things will eventually happen (though we hope as far in the future as possible).
And when these things do happen, I intend to be beside my husband through it all.
But that’s marriage for ya.
And that’s why this Xmas was special for your humble blogger this year. And at some point, during the celebrations, I kissed the Husband and told him I loved being married to him.
It IS a wonderful life.
And to commemorate it, the Husband had a bulb made…
Happy Holidays from Jeffrey, the Gay Groom