Hoarders and Tossers

Hoarders on A&E

Last night I was watching A&E’s Hoarders.

By the way, do you remember when A&E actually had Arts and Entertainment on it?  When they showed things like opera and classical music?  And do you remember when we actually learned things on The Learning Channel?  That was before TLC became the ‘Sideshow Channel’ with their current programming of midgets, dwarfs, 800-pound teenagers, seven foot women, two-ton virgins etc.  But I digress…

And as your humble blogger watched some woman on Hoarders crying over throwing out a used cotton ball she had become attached to, a realization came to him and he said to himself, “I’m a Tosser!”

Actually, the first thing I said was, “you’re a nut, lady”.  And THEN I said to myself, “I’m a Tosser!”

That is, I like tossing things away.

I really don’t have many mementos, photographs or souvenirs tucked away in my closet.  You will find no old report cards from elementary school, birthday cards from all the little friends who attended my third birthday party or a pressed rose I wore as a boutineer to my prom.  Nor are there baby shoes, old bowling trophies or any yearbooks.  All of that was tossed out years ago.

I’m not what you would call the ‘nostalgic type’.

As someone once said, “I didn’t like nostalgia the first time around.”

And I don’t like to drag a bunch of junk through my life.  I always thought it was better to move swiftly through life bearing little.

A psychologist on Hoarders said that hoarders develop an unhealthy emotional attachment to things.  Astonishing insights like that could only come from one with a 3-year psychology diploma from a community college.

You humble blogger doesn’t have much attachment to things.

People have asked me, “If your house was on fire and you could only grab three things, what would you take?”

“Besides the Husband?” I ask.

“He’s already outside,” they say.

“Then I wouldn’t take anything,” I reply.

“You’d want to take something,” they insist.

“I could replace anything I own without too much trouble,” I said.

“But you must want to take something!” they insist.  “Something irreplaceable?  Something that holds great sentimental value?  Something?

“OK! OK!” I’d say, grabbing the nearest thing to me.  “I’d take this!”

“Today’s newspaper?  Well if you aren’t going to be serious…”

But I am.

Though sometimes tossing can be it’s own problem.  I accidentally tossed out some savings bonds at some point (during one of my spring tossings, no doubt), and once I start a tossing, I often have to stop myself from tossing out things I actually use and need.

“When was the last time you used this microwave?” I ask my Husband recently.

But later this week the Husband and I will pick up our wedding china (gifts from our wedding registry) and your Gay Groom will move just a little more slowly through life… as now he’s carrying a set of Royal Doulton “Tennyson” china with him on the journey as well (still, as nice as it is, I wouldn’t be dragging it out of a burning building either).

Royal Doulton "Tennyson" Pattern

And now that I’m married, I have someone to help with the load as we drag our stuff (the stuff that I don’t toss out, that is) through life together.

Just be careful with the china.

Jeffrey, The Gay Groom



Filed under gay, gay atheist, gay canada, gay fiction, gay groom, gay men, gay men toronto, gay toronto, gay wedding, gblt, gblt fiction, hoarders, queer fiction, same-sex marriage, tossers

3 responses to “Hoarders and Tossers

  1. Cb

    Dude, I am right there with you. I want to punch hoarders in the throat and then torch their homes.

    I do wish I could achive full tosser status. I have a few things that are important to me.

  2. Gay Groom

    And it seems a few of them are not as much hoarders and just filthy pigs. I’m always overwhelmed with a need to Comet my sink after watching it.

  3. I’m watching it now and am SERIOUSLY about to get up and dust.

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