Am I a ‘Daddy’ Now?

50 Year old designer cum director Tom Ford with younger pals.

The husband gave me an Instinct Magazine for my forty-third birthday last Sunday with the article “How I Went from Daddy Chaser to Being the Daddy”.

The husband likes to think he’s funny.

The article was a short fluff piece (kinda like this, though I’m sure the writer got paid for his piece) about turning 40.  Not that I have anything against fluff pieces…

Now your humble blogger really doesn’t mind turning forty-three.   Though I do know that I don’t turn heads like I once did.  Canadian author Alice Munro wrote a short story about a woman who suddenly discovers that men don’t notice her anymore and is devastated.  For me, that realization came over a number of years.   Yet I still do recall the days when I believed that any man that didn’t look at me when I walked into a bar had to be straight.

Perhaps I was a tad conceited in my youth.

But that really doesn’t happen anymore.  Though I still might get a couple of turns of the head…  and, much even to my surprise, I’m amazingly alright with that.

Especially since I was (as I said) a tad conceited in my youth.

Perhaps my nonchalant attitude is partly due to being married.  Just who am I trying to impress?  And for heaven’s sake why would I need to impress anyone (this ‘I don’t give a damn’ attitude comes with age too)?  After all, I have a husband at home who loves me – laugh lines around my eyes and all!

So today ‘Daddydom’ feels rather like slipping into a warm bathtub – a little hot at first but quite comfortable once you get used to it.  I remember being told by a boyfriend that when I was a mere thirty years old that I had a “pre-daddy thing goin’ on”.  I didn’t like that, but the truth is I sorta felt ‘daddyish’ for quite some time.  Perhaps because I never really related to younger guys – and from the beginning, I’ve always been attracted to men that were older (not Methuselaha older – just a bit older).

Yes, I do like those salt and pepper haired men – or even just salt.  And there is always that confidence that mature men seemed to possess that the younger chaps didn’t.

But though I do like older men, it used to irritate me to see mature gay men wearing clothes made for youngsters. We’ve all seen those forty and fifty-somethings in ripped jeans and Abercrombie and Fitch t-shirts… still hitting the raves after twenty years – sometimes looking every twenty long years of it – but then your humble blogger tried to be more thoughtful.

After all, we are really the first full generation of out gay men to make it to middle-age.

And we should allow this lucky generation to find their own way.  So if some older gay guys out there still like to wear Abercrombie and Fitch when their straight counterparts have moved on to the Arnold Palmer collection from Sears – what the hell.  And if they want to Rave to 90s music till the cows come home – what’s it to me?

Who am I to be so judgmental anyway?

And I have to admit that some of those older guys still look good in Abercrombie and Fitch.

So what do you think?  When does one become a ‘Daddy’?  Or does one need to become a ‘Daddy’ at all?  Could it be that the term is outdated?  Are there any other silver fox admirers out there?

Jeffrey, The Gay Groom




Filed under Abercrombie and Finch, atheism, atheist, birthday, blogging, gay, gay abercrombie, gay atheist, gay canada, gay daddies, gay groom, gay mature, gay men, gay men's health, gay toronto, gaygroom, gblt, mature gay men, older gay men

9 responses to “Am I a ‘Daddy’ Now?

  1. As I am a tad (a hem) older than you, I find this topic to be more interesting. While I do love a Daddy, I don’t feel like I have made the transition completely. Alas, some days I just feel like an “old twink” which is not pretty, not one bit. I did notice several years ago that I did not only not turn heads anymore, I had actually developed the powers of invisibility. Some days that actually amuses me.

  2. Cb

    You officially become a daddy when guys in their twenties start hitting on you again.

  3. Hi,

    I found your blog from your twitter profile, checking out my new followers. 🙂

    I’m very much in the daddy bracket looks-wise (I’ve always had a fairly stocky build, and now am losing the hair on my head, most of what’s left turning white while growing hair in places I never knew hair could grow) but I can’t say I feel dadddyish at all.

    I’ve never been a clothes horse or cared about labels but I don’t see why at the age of 48 I should stop wearing jeans, bright t shirts and hooded sweatshirts as everyday apparel. So what if the youngsters generally turn their noses up at what they see as my presumption that I can carry it off!

    I have a complicated relationship/sexual history in that for over 20 years from the age of 23 I led a celibate life and didn’t have – or seek – as much as a hug from anyone else and had nothing to do with the gay community at all (it’s a long and complicated story but has nothing to do with religious motivations if that’s what you think). So my dating habits went from being a twink-loving sub-cub to a still-twink-loving daddy type. Not a healthy place to be!

    I know from some of the guys who’ve hit on me that apart from certain physical attributes, my (assumed) sexual experience is the major attraction – little do they know that the average 20 year old nowadays has more experience than me.

    I suppose being a daddy is mainly down to being of an age to be able to have reasonably fathered sexually active and knowing guys, i.e. about 42 to 45 onwards. But I suppose what daddy-chasers really want is self-assurance and control, and this is probably what your friend saw in you even several years ago….

  4. tdub68

    i hit 43 in a couple months myself! i’m dating a [much] younger man and despite my body not being in the best shape of my life (since i was 39), i’ve never felt sexier. age is TRULY a number … so why resist our “daddy” label? hahah

  5. gaytodecember

    Great post, very thoughtful.

    I think there is a fine line between embracing one’s own youthful feeling and trying too hard. An A&F shirt does not inherently cross that line. As for the term “daddy” I’ve not been that fond of it. As a younger man that is attracted to older men, I don’t like that it implies that I am a “son” or “boy”. I’m not into that sort of role play and I seek as much equality in my relationships as is possible with two men in different parts of their lives.

  6. Extraordinarily well written article!

  7. Pingback: Not Another Year in Review Blog! | The Gay Groom

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