Professional Wrestling Is Kinda Gay

"Macho Man" Randy Savage with Miss Elizabeth, mid 80s

On May 20, 2011 “Macho Man” Randy Savage bought the farm when the car he was driving crashed into a tree in Seminole, Florida.

Now your humble blogger has gone on record saying that anyone who actually watches professional wrestling must have the intelligence level on par with a banjo playing West Virginia hillbilly.  However I do have a confession.

I watched wrestling back in the 80s.

Now before you say, “Oh yeah, Gay Groom, there you go again with your hypocritical pseudo-intellectual elitism, calling fans inbred hillbillies when you yourself have enjoyed the odd lumberjack match of the WWF”.

Well, I suppose you are right (except for that pseudo-intellectual crack).  But allow your humble blogger to explain.

I began watching wrestling in 1985 (and only watched for a year or so).  This was, coincidentally, the same time that a young wacky singer named Cyndi Lauper was also into the sport.  I began watching because a friend was watching.  And yes, I was watching the day that Macho Man announced Miss Elizabeth as his manager (Miss Elizabeth would die from drug overdose in 2003).

At first I was rather embarrassed watching wrestling.  But then I discovered that professional wrestling was one of the most homoerotic things on television in the 80s.  Two sexy sweaty (often overly tanned) muscular men in tiny shorts trying to pin each other on the mat?

I was intrigued!

And all my pals (my very straight pals – as I was closeted in those days) all had their favourite wrestlers.  One liked Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat.  Another dug “Hacksaw” Jim Duggan.  And one even really liked – get this – Big John Stud.

And I liked Michael “Corporal” Kirchner.

His gimmick was the “all-American soldier” from (as I recall) Fort Brag (just like the strippers in Gypsy, so too every wrestler has “gotta have a gimmick”) .   He would carry a big American flag in before every fight (wearing his fatigues) and stare down (with those dreamy blue eyes) those anti-American wrestlers like the big bad Soviet NiKolai Volkoff.  In fact Kirchner victorious over Volkoff at WrestleMania 2.  U.S.A!  U.S.A!

I thought Kirchner was a dreamboat.

Corpral Kirchner

Corporal Kirchner with the American flag

Corporal Kurchner today. Still sexy (and eyes still dreamy blue) after all these years.

But it all came to an end when Kirchner was busted for testing positive for drug use in 1987.  But by that time I had lost interest in Wrestling.

I had discovered that wrestling with sweaty men myself was more fun than watching it on TV.

Jeffrey, The Gay Groom

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