The one day a year when we loosen the belts and eat like pigs without any guilt. Well maybe not… it’s really one of many days in the year where we loosen the belts and eat like pigs without gilt.
For those that do no know, Canadians celebrate Thanksgiving on the second Monday in October.
Why do we celebrate Thanksgiving on the second Monday in October, you may ask? I don’t know. Perhaps we do this just to be different. Like the way we pronounce house and about.
Though the holiday is on Monday, most folks eat Thanksgiving dinner on Sunday. Why do we eat Thanksgiving dinner on Sunday when the holiday is on Monday, you may ask? To quote my mother (and almost every mother in the country): “I’m sure as hell not spending my day off cooking!”
So we eat on Sunday.
And this year Thanksgiving sneaked up on your humble blogger. It seems like one day you’re celebrating Labour Day and the next you’re in the A&P body checking old ladies for the last turkey in the grocers freezer.
The thought of having to cook Thanksgiving dinner was not as intriguing this year as it may have been in the past. And to be perfectly honest, I’m not much of a cook (to be perfectly perfectly honest, I hate cooking). So I looked for some easy short-cuts that would enable me to get a Thanksgiving dinner on the table with as little time and effort from me as possible.
And to quote Kurt Vonnegut, “If you can do a half-assed job of anything, you’re a one-eyed man in a kingdom of the blind.”
Step One: Turkey in a box
I bought a Butterball frozen breast turkey. No just any frozen turkey but a ‘no-defrost’, ‘no-baste’, ‘pre-stuffed’, ‘just-stick-the-goddam-thing-in-the-oven-and-forget-about-it’ turkey. The instructions are simple: shove in the oven frozen and don’t touch for four hours.
Boom! You got your turkey!
Then your Reluctant Chef scooped out the pre-made stuffing from the turkey breast and tossed it on the plate.
Step Two: Cans and more cans
I made some mashed potatoes (really the most labour intensive part of the meal) and opened a can of corn and a can of carrots and a can of jellied cranberry sauce.
Boom! You got Thanksgiving side dishes!
Step Three: Frozen dessert
For dessert I picked up a pre-made frozen pie. All I had to do was take it out of the box and throw it in the oven for 50 minutes.
Boom! You got dessert!
I actually took a photo of my pie and put it on my Facebook, Twitter and Google+ pages where it received RAVES! People were impressed I could ‘make’ a pie.
And my half-assed dinner notwithstanding, I do have a few things to be thankful for this year:
My dad, who has been battling Multiple Myeloma for the last three years is still doing well.
My novel, Shirts and Skins, has been doing really well. Allowing me to continue writing my second book.
Finally, The Gay Groom just celebrated his third wedding anniversary.
Who wouldn’t be thankful for that!
By the way, did I mention my Thanksgiving dinner turned out great? Who would have believed it took practically no effort at all?
Jeffrey, The Gay Groom