Heaven Wrapped in Patchouli and Vanilla


My stash of Woodland

I have used the same cologne since March 1999.

Not that it has been easy to do…

Back in early spring of 1999, I was in Atlanta on business for a week (Your Humble Blogger worked with computers in those days and I was in some SAP related course. EDI or Workflow or some other kind of nonsense I’ve happily forgotten all about)…

Being that The Gay Groom was, at the time, The Gay Single Guy With Absolutely No Desire To Be Anyone’s Groom, in the evening I went to favourite Atlanta gay bar, Blakes for a drink and general merriment strategically meant to remove from my brain any information from the SAP course that may have inadvertently made its way into my mind. And on this particular evening, as I was sitting at the bar in my best shirt thinking how I really should write that book I wanted to write, I noticed a most enchanting scent wafting over the fumes of alcohol and sounds of Madonna’s “Ray of Light”…

It smelled like heaven wrapped in patchouli and vanilla.

The chaps name was Dave – I think (give me a break, I was young, and it was a busy week).

“What aftershave are you wearing?” I asked.

“Woodland by Bath and Body Works,” said Dave (we’ll go with “Dave”).

However, this conversation about Dave’s cologne happened much later at his place on Peachtree a few doors down from the bar (after I had more time to linger over it).  At first ( being that I was using the ridiculously expensive Ralph Lauren’s Polo at the time) I said to myself, “well that sounds cheap.” But still, I really liked Woodland – and I wanted some. And since we did not have Bath and Body Works in Canada at the time, a few weeks later I was in Dallas taking more SAP courses (I’m proud to say I didn’t learn a thing) and picked up a bottle of Woodland at the Galleria Mall – I think. It was some mall around Dallas. And thus I found my new cologne.

Twenty bucks a bottle.

For nearly a decade all was well. I would grab a bottle or two every time I went to the States and a bottle of the Woodland bath gel and the Woodland “Refresher Spray”.

Ah, Halcyon Days of Woodland!

Yes, I know I was wearing “cheap cologne”, but it was mine and Your Humble Blogger loved it! No one – at least in Canada – smelled like Yours Truly. Although life would be filled with difficulties and trials in the future, my choice of cologne was set for the rest of my life – or so I thought.

Then they discontinued Woodland.

Being that The Gay Groom is not one to handle change well once he is set in his routine, he immediately cornered the market and bought up all six bottles on ebay for forty bucks each. The guy was gouging me – but I was fine with that. I would have Woodland for the foreseeable future…

And today, as I was spraying on the last of another bottle of my discontinued Woodland, I wondered (since I only have four bottle left) if I could still buy a bottle on the internet.


Woodland Cologne for $408.61

Yep, my twenty dollar cologne is now going for $408.61.

My most expensive bottle of wine in my collection, a bottle of 1977 vintage port, that isn’t worth half that much! In fact my four remaining bottles of Woodland from Bath and Body Works is now worth $1600. And worth every penny!

No one can say I wear cheap cologne anymore!

And Your Humble Blogger is just going to have to make his last four bottle last as long as he can. And when it’s finally gone? What does a border-line OCD, change hating, guy to do when he runs out of his cologne. Well I have thought about it.

I suppose I could always go back to Polo.

Jeffrey, The Gay Groom



Filed under bath and body works, discontinued cologne, gay, gaygroom, patchouli, woodland cologne

3 responses to “Heaven Wrapped in Patchouli and Vanilla

  1. How very funny! You tickle my ribs at the end of a long day. I have a bottle of cheap “Grass Oil” cologne given me decades ago by my grandmother, may she rest in peace. I dab out a bit only on special occasions. Gotta make it last my lifetime! Sometimes I think the real value in anything is what we give it.

    (And I, too, thought I’d never be a gay groom—didn’t ever want to go there. As did you, so did I. My husband and I were married some while ago in Windsor, our ceremony officiated by a minister who’d had a brick thrown thru the church window in response to her belief that all people deserve to be honored with the rite of marriage.)

    All good to you.

  2. Pingback: Wrap Tops | Fat Chic

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