The Gay Groom’s Top Ten BEST Christmas Songs of All Time

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Oh, Christ! It’s Christmas time again.

Thus it’s time for the obligatory Christmas blogs.

When it comes to Christmas songs, your humble blogger has far too much opinion for his own good. Not to say I dislike Christmas songs constantly in my ears, I just usually start to get sick of them round about the first week in December and to make things worse, for some reason they seem to be played into the first weeks of January these days.

But there are a few that I think are pretty groovy.

So with no more ado, here is The Gay Groom’s Top Ten Christmas Songs…

All I Want For Christmas Is You

This is a great little ditty that took a few years to catch on but now it’s a bonafide Christmas classic. We have all seen the Mirah Cary video but here is a video of sailors aboard the HMS Ocean lip-syncing to the tune that went viral a couple of years ago. It’s cute. And some of them take off their shirt.

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Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas

I seem to be attracted to the sadder Christmas songs (as you will notice as the list goes on). This one from Meet Me In St. Louis has Judy Garland looking radiant (she was 22 years old at the time) crooning to a little Margaret O’Brien. The melancholy of Judy’s voice fits the song perfectly and the film version is the only recoding of the song where Judy doesn’t screw up the lyrics.

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Santa Baby

A great tune and covered by everyone (I DESPISE the Madonna version, by the way). And if you have ever spent a Christmas Eve in any gay village in the world you most likely wouldl have seen more drag queens than you can shake a curling iron at doing this tune to f***ing death. And speaking of drag queens, here is an ingenious version with a 1950s Eartha reedited with a few fabulous queens.

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Please, Daddy Don’t Get Drunk This Christmas

Continuing the dark Christmas songs, this little ditty by John Denver is one of my favourites. Having grown up with an alcoholic father this one always makes me chuckle. Because if you can’t laugh at the past, you should write a book. Wait a minute…

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Hard Candy Christmas

Dolly sang this song with a bunch of whores in The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas and then did a solo of the song on her own Christmas album. You can find both versions on Youtube but this is my favourite.  And Dolly’s boobs are huge (has anyone else ever mentioned that?).

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Merry Christmas, Darling

Karen Carpenter’s rich voice makes this a great song.  And I always preferred Karen doing the sadder “Rainy Days and Mondays” type-songs rather than the “Top of the World” types, maybe it’s because the sadder songs seemed more honest to me.

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You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch

“You’re a bad banana with a greasy black peel.” From my favourite Christmas cartoon, comes my favourite Christmas cartoon song. You know the story, mean green creep tries to steal Christmas just to discover it came. Yes, it came just the same. It took Dr. Seuss a few attempts to get the ending he wanted – one without a religious message (Theodor Seuss Geisel was also an atheist). And he succeeded. But though Christmas may be the most wonderful time of the year, there are those moments when we all identify with The Grinch.

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Feliz Navidad

Though I don’t speak Spanish (I have three years of Latin but that doesn’t help much) I like this Xmas favourite as much as the theme to Chico and the Man (which is, in The Gay Groom’s opinion the best TV theme song ever – maybe we’ll do another top ten list of TV theme songs some day).

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White Christmas

What can you say that hasn’t been said about a song that was the biggest seller for like fifty years. Not much.

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Okay, at this point some of you are saying, “okay, you a**hole, we know you are an atheist and all but can’t you choose just one religious tune”.

Certainly!

O, Come All Ye Faithful

Now there are a few good renditions of this but here is the first I ever heard, it’s Florence Henderson in The Brady Bunch from 1969. It’s not the best but what the hell. Your Humble Blogger’s fingers are getting tired.

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Honorable Mention:

The Little Boy That Santa Claus Forgot

This could be perhaps the most depressing Christmas song ever. If you are expecting a happy ending with this little ditty sung by Nat King Cole, you are out of luck. With lyrics like “I’m so sorry for that laddy. He hasn’t got a daddy.” I was expecting the neighbourhood to pitch in and give the kid some gifts at the end of the song but apparently he’s living in a Republican state.  It’s almost too depressing for even an old Grinch like myself!

So… did I miss any?

Coming Soon: The Gay Groom’s List of the Worst Xmas Songs

*** UPDATED Dec6, 2013 ***

I just had to add this gem from last night’s episode of Glee. Sexy Santa, helium and “Christmas Don’t Be Late”. Christ, does it get any better??

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4 Comments

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4 responses to “The Gay Groom’s Top Ten BEST Christmas Songs of All Time

  1. Great list, Jeffrey.
    Agree with most here. (Not so much Florence Henderson)
    I Love “Hard Candy Christmas”. Maybe I’m drawn to the “bluer” songs as well.
    “I’ll be Home for Christmas” is a tear jerker..
    On the traditional side, Crosby’s White Christmas album with The Andrew Sisters, especially “Santa Claus is Coming to Town” and “Jingle Bells”.

    How can you not list “Last Christmas”?, classic “re-gifting song.
    “Last Christmas I gave you my heart
    But the very next day you gave it away
    This year to save me from tears
    I’ll give it to someone special (special)”

    Being the Christmas fairy I am, there’s too many that come to mind.
    Ultimately, it depends on my mood.
    It could be The Living Voices or The Pogues.
    Have a wonderful holiday!

    • You are right. I’m not all that keen on Florence Henderson either but I thought I should toss in one religious song (trust me, I’ll be getting enough hate mail about this) And I was having trouble coming up with 10 Xmas songs that don’t make me ill! 🙂

  2. This is a charged topic, indeed!
    I love The Grinch song; listening to Judy sing that carol is enough to make anyone open their veins.

    Here’s a treat for you:

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